Pregnancy Update : Morning Sickness!

This isn't a pretty post. But I've decided to share something personal and close to my heart - a recent difficult experience in my life.
Easily disgusted readers, you may back off now...
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My spirit is weak.... fighting back tears as I write this...
Truly a time of trial and testing for me.
Can't wait for it to pass.

Clinging to this verse
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"2 Corinthians 12:9

- Excerpt from an email sent to my girlfriend, Brinda, sometime in May 2009.

A time of trial and testing - that is truly what the months of May, June and early July were for me. It was the 2nd and 3rd months of my pregnancy - weeks 6 to 13.

I suffered what is medically known as hyperemesis gravidarum or severe morning sickness.

It hit me suddenly and challenged me in every way - physically, mentally and emotionally.

What initially started as slight nausea grew into severe nausea, to infrequent vomiting, to frequent vomiting, to constant vomiting, to glued-to-a-toilet bowl/plastic bag-puking-my-guts-out-vomiting. It was just... horrid.

I was constantly dehydrated, my lips were permanently chapped and dry, my skin scaly. I lost 5 kgs and was thinner than I'd been in years (and not in a good way!)
I couldn't keep anything in.... I puked even when I hadn't eaten anything!
I was always hungry and knew not whether to eat just to quell the hunger pangs only to throw up later, or to not eat and and suffer the gastric pains (along with nausea waves).

I was physically very, very weak and bed-ridden. I couldn't drive, leave the house, go out in public, go to work or move around very much.
There were times when I couldn't talk or move my head because the nausea waves were so severe, a slight movement who trigger a vomit bout.

Three times, I was so dehydrated, I had to be admitted into a hospital and put on drips.
The third time, only last week, I was so weak from an all-day vomit spree, I was driven to the ER at 1 in the morning. I was so far gone, I barely remember anything that took place at the ER.

I have since been discharged and am living with my parents, temporarily.
Under their care, I am slowly thriving and regaining my strength.

This whole experience has been a true test, both mentally and emotionally.
Physical weakness affects the mind and spirit, I now know.
There were many times, after lying in bed for hours and unable to attend to my own needs, I'd find myself drifting off into an almost zombie-like state. Like my mind was slowly slipping away to some place scary... like I was slowly going insane!
It took all of my will and presence of mind to get a grip of myself and come back to reality.

I also found myself constantly in tears.... mostly tears of frustration at being unable to live life fully, tears of fear, worry and anxiety.

I am now entering Week 14 of my pregnancy.
Things are much better now though I can't say for sure if the morning sickness is completely over. I can only hope it is.

This experience, like all tough experiences, has thought me much. Lessons I would never have otherwise learnt - a compassion for the sick, a deep gratitude for my health, my energy and my strength. It has taught me that sometimes I need to slow down a little and appreciate the simple things in life - flowers in bloom, the breeze, a kind word, the sound of children laughing...and much, much more.

I don't know for sure if this experience has made me a better person, but I'm willing to bet it has.

And for that, I'm ever grateful and humbled.